Many think I am a professional Marriage counselor or a moralist with zero tolerance for anything unethical others think I am that guy any woman would like to be with. For them, my perspectives to things do not reflect someone who lived or lives some level of risky behaviour lifestyle.
Anyways, such are their views and I wouldn’t lift my finger to debunk it. The truth which is indubitable is, I am human with the tendency of being the worst case study of a man in his frailties and weaknesses but for God’s grace.
Months back, precisely in the month of April this year. In a build-up to Father’s Day, I did a pre-Father’s Day write-up on fatherhood for weeks, its duties, responsibilities, and abuse, especially on infidelity.
Like bees, my WhatsApp box was inundated with reactions. To many of them, how can a man remain faithful to his wife? How can a normal man remain focused without being swept off by the allurement and seductive sights they see everyday?
It was one thing many of them saw as herculean, too difficult to do except one is either sick or a God. That is their reality and nothing would change that, however convincing one sounds.
Recently someone inboxed me with this question” Isn’t Marriage chewing gum”? I didn’t answer him. However, I thought about it for a while and seem to agree with him a bit.
What is chewing gum? A wrapped something, that looks so delectable, elastic in nature with a sweet taste, that diminishes in sweetness as it is chewed. Is that what Marriage is to you?
I have seen some people especially ladies who chew gum with a charisma that is endearing. If you did, you wouldn’t agree less why Marriage seems so.
Every marriage that is either surviving the whirlwind of challenges or already blown off by it, was at some point like a wrapped chewing gum, reddish with a taste so sweet not to be resisted. Each chew sucks out watery sweet, and each watery sweet swallowed makes the gum less tasty and sweet.
Nobody spills out or throws a gum away because it suddenly loses taste, except one is either a child or an amateur in chewing gum.
Rather, they keep chewing it, even when it becomes bland. For ladies who are good at it, one begins to make all manner of sounds with it. A sound that comes in different rhythms, depending on how proficient one is in chewing the gum.
The truth is, at this stage of chewing, the attraction is not in the sweetness of the gum anymore, rather in the companionship it gives them. They get used to the gum, it becomes difficult to let go even when there is no sweet juice coming out.
That is how marriage is. It grows from physical attractiveness to a deeper attraction and connection that defines beauty.
In marriage, a time comes when what holds couples is not sex, not beauty, not prince charming looks etc but something much deeper. At this stage every other thing must have waned, leaving behind the blandness that gives the union a unique sound, so compelling, one can’t but stick to it and continue chewing until death do them part.
Where is the stage of your marriage? The sweet stage or the bland but addictive level of companionship? A stage when your love for your partner isn’t built around sensuality, beauty etc but on companionship, connectivity and love that is selfless?
Marriage is like a chewing gum. It has its moments of sweetness and blandness. At each stage one finds himself or herself, the key is, enjoy it, make the best use of it and continue chewing until death do you part.
Jarlath Uche Opara can be reached via Jarlathuche@gmail.com
