Late Chrytogonus Obinna alias Dr. Sir Warrior,a highlife maestro, who bestrode at a time the musical world like a colossus, reeling out vibes in lyrics that accentuated native wisdom, said Ihe Ana eshi -eshi wu nwanne. Anaghi eshi enyi eshi( Nobody introduces ones friends to one. It is ones relations that one gets introduced to )
Friendship is something we make decision on, considering many factors. Such can’t be said of ones relatives. What brings ones siblings, cousins , distant relations etc are beyond anybody ‘ control, it happens independent of ones choices and preferences.
However one wishes otherwise, nothing changes it ,unlike in the case of friendship which gives or rather creates exit doors for possible walk, if the room becomes stuffy and toxic.
When it comes to friendship, I am usually very sensitive. The choice could make or marr. Many comes into the space of friendship with a lot of things wrapped, unwrapping them as the “friendship” progresses.
Over time, the concept friendship has been redefined to me, anybody one shares space with, engages in conversations in recurrent manner, hangs out over some bottles or possibly following each other on social media platforms . Friendship isn’t as pedestrian as many think it is. It is deep and the commitment level beyond mere walk on the park.
Take a deep look into Jesus’s relationship with his Apostles. They shared drink and food together. Slept most possibly in same space, prayed and ministered together. They witnessed the amazing miracles of Jesus, so stunning and obvious to them they knew it couldn’t have happened through a human agency. Still when the chips were down, the fled leaving him to his fate,except John the beloved who stood , unwavering, placing his life on the line, caring less what the consequences could be.
I seek a friend, not one that would be a leech on me, seeking ways to milk and suck and flee when the source is dry.
I seek one who I would relate on mutual basis, lifting them as they do so to me.
I seek a friend who wouldn’t be cowed into slavish obiedience, truckling to me, with awe and deference less they lose the crumps from the table of my abundance. Rather, I seek one who would reprimand and throw my ills and demeanour at my face and get appreciated for being such a good friend.
I seek a friend who wouldn’t think twice standing up for me, taking my heat in the open without chickening away and I equally would for them.
I seek a friend who would look striaght to my eyes, blinking not, while in a dispassionate manner tells me my ills, pandering them not, hailing me not for ingratiation and hyping me not with a hypocritical mind.
Check those who hang around you. What drives them? What keeps them hanging on? What makes them remain loyal? The handout? The opportunity your space provides?
There are many praise singers in the garment of friendship. Many wolves in the clothing of friendship, ready to devour one when there is nothing else to eat and take a walk thereafter.
Who is your friend? Who do you confide in? Who wouldn’t create excuses but helps when one is down, crying for help.
I seek a friend who wouldn’t take advantage of my vulnerability, rather one who would shore me up, prop me and and provides a shoulder to lean, wiping my tears without judging me.
Know your friends. Friendship isn’t a tea party. Friendship is deep, not a game for all. Not everyone around one is a friend , don’t be too fast to open ones arms for their comfort. They could afterall be a time bomb waiting to be exploded.
I seek a friend who is open minded, With no guile. One who watches my back. Through tick and thin they remain , singing same song of faithfulness, commitment, loyalty , trust, respect and sacrifice in a mutual manner.
Are you my friend? An opportunitist? Or a foe in disguise?
Jarlath Opara can be reached via Jarlathuche@gmail.com
