The Pressure that comes with being Unmarried

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Dear unmarried Nigerian lady, here is how to cope with marriage pressure

Since I finished law school, “When are you planning to get married?” has strangely become a chant in my house considering the fact that I am the first and only daughter. My parents ask me these questions often as though that should be the next thing I should do immediately I step out of school. The question really gets to my nerve, like for crying out loud, I am just 22. Besides, asking me when I am planning to get married sounds dumb because I am not getting married to myself.

What is wrong with some parents? Why do they have to poke us with marriage wahala like it’s a badge of honour we are to wear for the rest of our lives? It’s even worse if age is not on your side. Let’s say, you are in the late twenties, everyone will literally be breathing down your neck, you must get married and if care is not taken, your family will arrange marriage for you or they can tell you stuffs like, “Well, just bring any man”. It’s even shoddier when all your friends and age mates are all married while you are still parading your single status. You will literally become the prayer point in all family prayer meetings. They are ready to organize a deliverance session for you; perhaps someone in the spirit world is restricting you from getting hitched.

I don’t know why the society look upon single ladies as though she is cursed just because she is not married. The moment a lady clocks thirty, she immediately becomes the butt of ridicule by those around her. I don’t know why we make it look like marriage is the beginning and end of life – like it’s the highest possible achievement a woman can ever have. There is no doubt that marriage is beautiful but then, what matters is getting married to the right person.

Marriage isn’t something someone should jump into all because her mates are getting hitched. It is not a do or die affair because trust me; there is nothing as frustrating as getting married to the wrong person. It can literally drive one insane.

Nigerians need to change that mentality that a lady has failed in life all because she has no man. Marriage is not something we jump into all because age isn’t by our side or just so we can please family and friends, marriage should only come up when you have found that one person that loves you and makes you happy that you are willingly to spend the rest of your life with him.

You see, most times when a Nigerian mom tells her unmarried daughter, “I just want what is best for you”, in as much as it is coming out of a heart full of love, all they want is to avoid their friends making jest of them, thinking that their own daughter can’t get a man.

Even though I am not yet in my late twenties, I can categorically say that the marriage pressure that comes from Nigerian parents is mentally stressful that I don’t think any lady would want to deal with it. But here is the good news, there are ways you can handle these pressures.

Never allow it get to you:

No matter the hurtful words thrown at you for not being married, never allow them get to you. First, it will dim your happiness and leave you depressed, sad and then angry. When you have this depressing energy hovering around you, there is no doubt that it will reduce the chance of Mr. Right summoning up the courage to come say hi. So, try as much as you can to stay happy and skip feeling sorry for yourself. You are amazing with or without a man.

Always Have A Quick Reply

These days, I don’t keep mute when my parents especially my mum comes up with this marriage wahala. So, whenever she goes, “When are you planning to get married?”, my reply has always being, “Mum, I am too broke to become someone’s wife. Besides, I am meeting people and making friends. Marriage will happen at the right time”.

Love yourself regardless

This is always easier said than done. But then, loving yourself and not letting your unmarried status define you helps you rediscover yourself. I know you are thirty and you have no man but that doesn’t make you less of a human being than your married friends. In the end, it is your happiness that matters.

Channel your time into your job or something that interests you.

Never ever stay idle. When you have nothing doing, your friends especially the married one will always knock at your door to gist you about their hubby. Listening to all these will certainly make you feel left out, like you are losing something. So, always have a busy schedule as this will help you spend less time with your friends whose gists are always centered on marriage.

Accept the fact that life is not scripted

The society has made it look like this life we are living is scripted and there is a time frame for everything in life. There is a time you should go to school, get a job, build a house, get married and so on. What we fail to realize is that life is unscripted. Live your life at your own pace and just because someone of your age got married doesn’t mean you have failed in life. You will eventually get married when the right time comes. We are all on a different path in this journey called life.

And again, try and limit the number of wedding you attend especially when it is an old schoolmate because there is every tendency that you will end up comparing your life with theirs.

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