When one hears the popular aphorism; “its men’s world,” what literally flounders in ones minds was the powerful and almighty ascription to men; in charge or in control of affairs. One needs to deeply ponder a while and ask again; is it actually the men’s world? Many have failed to understand that men’s world is that which resonates with family responsibilities. It is the man’s world who gives all that is in him and possibly die to provide and protect his family. The man is a provider and the society sees him as such but does not care to see the pain, pressure and agony he goes through daily. Many men go to bed daily and instead of enjoying hours of sleep keep vigil all through the night. The arduous responsibilities and sacrifices of men are enormous. And they mostly go unnoticed. His condition is worsened especially in Nigeria where family social welfare programme is non-existent.
I read a piece on the internet where children were asked how much they could offer each of their parents out of a Hundred Thousand Naira allocated to both and it was obvious the world is not that fair to men. Some divided equally but most gave 90% to their mums including men. It is imperative to note that, giving in the above scenario does not in any way signpost hatred for the men by their children. It is not a matter of more love for mummies than daddies. The society made it so. It is a populist narrative driving familial living. Women are seen in the prism of weaker sex. Men are seen to always survive hard situations more than women despite all odds. This eventually determined the sharing formula. However, it is worthy to sample opinions of this nature to enable the society take a clue from its outcome, learn and design policy frameworks around family welfarism for good decision making.
Children tend to tilt towards mummies for the following obvious reasons. First, there is this already existing bond between mothers and children even while in the womb. That bond is difficult to severe. Second, the breast feeding communication routine between a child and its mother is immutable and unquantifiable. Third, mothers seem to be more tolerant and accommodative towards children’s attitude and behaviour more than fathers; thus, they confide more in mummies – building trust and cemented relationships. Ordinarily, people tend to love and appreciate those who are close to them and regularly fill the vacuum of their lives with their presence and precious littleness. Filling the unquantifiable vacuums for kids are the task and pass time of women.
It is instructive to note that; men being who they are may not always afford the luxury of being so close to children like mummies because they have to provide for the good of the entire family. This responsibility more often than not take them out of home and the absence is an issue that must be dealt with while applying wisdom and balancing of tasks. This mean that in the midst of trying to provide for the family; men should as well make out time more for bonding with the children.
I was privy to a friend’s family discussion of issues relating to their father’s seemingly unusual behavior which is mostly related to old age. One of the sons who was dissatisfied with his father’s conduct and persistent stand on his decisions whether right or wrong bluntly told the man what many men had heard before. He said, if not because of mum; I would not have been who I am today. The man in question is in all standard a responsible man – an Igbo trader who exhausted his adult life, took risks of moving from the eastern part of nigeria to one corner of the northern part of the country or the other selling goods and services to cater for his family.
Lessons learned was that, a man could strive strenuously to provide for his family with all in him but it is simply viewed as his job. That vacuum filled with a motherly presence means so much. A token of gesture a mum squeezed into the child’s hand while running out to school means a lot. It is still debatable who takes better care of parents more among male and female children. The obvious remains that majority of men do not get attention commensurate with their efforts at old age. They seem almost forgotten when their children are grown and get married. In between his kids child bearing period, visiting for ‘Omugwo’ and all that; what benefits a man is possibly a walking stick, one a bottle of Aromatic Schnapps and tobacco.
Life expectancy in Nigeria is among the lowest in Africa as well as the world. In 2024, general life expectancy is expected to be 54.6 years. This is below the global average of 73.7 years. Specifically, male life expectancy rate hovers around 54.45 years while female is slightly higher at 55.12 years according to World Population Review. As a man, it is important to understand from now onwards that it’s no longer your world. As men begin to age, let it be known that support does not necessarily come from familiar faces or children. Many sons and daughters may seem to forget or abandon their fathers on account of their own challenges.
Therefore, men should first be kind to themselves. Be a father to their children as well as those they meet and be true to them. These days, children who care and lift old parents may not necessarily be biological but those who one fathered out of circumstances other than that which may be the general norm.
Naturally, men are already overburdened species who may have forgotten themselves in pursuit of fulfilling family obligations. Many men continue to strive and have not changed their boxers, singlets or bought new dresses in the last two years. Show love to men around you. Men should also note that; they have one life to live even while living for their families. Have you given a thought to why we have so many widows than widowers?
Sunday Onyemaechi Eze is a lecturer, Department of Mass Communication and Head, Internationalisation and Partnerships, Coal City University, Enugu
