Finding a partner is not easy. And, though, almost all of us must have gone through infatuations and crushes, the most daunting task is the one that follows — to get approach them. How do you make the first move or rather let this person know that you like her/him? A wrong move here or there and that could be curtains for you even before it all begins. In fact, this is when most people lose out on winning over a person because they simply don’t know how to approach the person they like. Here’s what you can do.
- Try and know them
If you like someone and you want to increase the opportunity to see that person, interact and find out more about him/her. Ask them if you can help in a certain domain, about their profession or something they are working on. This way, you learn from this person and get him/her to understand you in the whole process
- Use humour
A good behaviour topped with some good sense of humour always does the magic, ensure that it isn’t toilet humour. It should be spontaneous and in keeping with the flow of the conversation and the circumstances.”
- Right mindset
This is the key factor to establish any relationship and even more so while making the first move. Asking somebody out for coffee with the right mindset could always help. Attempt to establish a good friendship first and whatever eventually happens should simply be a by-product of the first approach.
- Be sporty
Indulging in sports can be a great way of connecting with people in general and could also make for a good first move. Invite him/her for a game; this clearly lightens up the atmosphere and helps in building the bond.
- Send wishes
Wishing somebody on their birthday with flowers or chocolates could be a good move, too. People are generally in a good mood on their birthday. In fact, they are receptive and look forward to being greeted. This could tremendously increase the prospects of your success.
- Appreciate them
Appreciating and making someone feel good about themselves is an art. But the compliments must be genuine and well deserved. Dr Fabian Almeida, consultant psychiatrist, Fortis Hospital says, “Appreciation helps bridge the gap between two individuals. However, if this doesn’t seem to be working out well, it may indicate that the individual is extremely shy and feels intimidated when appreciated. Unpleasant past experiences may also contribute adversely here.”
- Express eloquently
Conveying what is in your heart and mind, carefully or candidly, can hit the right notes in a budding relationship. Actions may speak louder than words. Nevertheless, expressing your emotions, thoughts and feelings to the person you like is at the core of any relationship. Don’t jumpstart at jet speed or get stuck at snail’s pace either. Have good flow.
- Plan meetings
Try and find their interests, likes and dislikes and act on it. Neety V Shetty, psychotherapist, says, “Once you know what they like or don’t, try to be around them during those activities; if they like camping, join them on their trips. This helps him/her realise that you’ll have common interests, which can serve as an opportunity to be together.”
- Be a friend
Every relationship begins and builds on the foundation of a happy and healthy friendship. It is no rocket science that we make an approach towards the concerned person by pledging our friendship and support in whatever ways we can such as by offering to run errands for that person, assisting in completing their tasks or accompanying them for shopping.
If it backfires
1) Give it some more time. Take a break and try again.
2) Your sense of humour may be bad. If it is, simply apologise and be yourself
3) Go out together in a common group that consists of both male and female friends, so that all concerned are equally comfortable.
4) Offer a drop back home and indulge in a healthy conversation.
5) Send Friendship’s Day wishes and hope to catch up with the individual in a more receptive mood.
6) Try and find out more about the person, while you continue with the genuine appreciation slowly.
7) If turned down by the individual, there is no harm in finding out why; it only helps you get wiser.
8) The group of people accompanying can be the reason it backfired. Ask your friend in a subtle way without causing anymore problems.
9) Try and understand if the person is not interested in your friendship or feels threatened that you are trespassing their privacy too much, too soon. Slow down and wait. Time helps unfold the story better.