In recent years, a new kind of social gospel has quietly taken root in the minds of many women and men alike. It floats through social media feeds, whispered by influencers, celebrities, and even pastors, and it has slowly gained the status of modern wisdom.
The message? If you’re a woman approaching 35 or 40 and still unmarried, you shouldn’t wait for the perfect man or a fairy-tale love. Just find someone—anyone—who can help you conceive. The goal is not love or companionship anymore, but beating the biological clock. “Become a mother,” they say, “even if the father never wants to be one.”
And so, the age-old archetypes of “baby mama” and “baby daddy” are no longer unfortunate titles—they are now being rebranded, glamorized, and pushed into mainstream culture as the new normal.
One of the loudest voices championing this idea is veteran Yoruba actress Ayo Mogaji. In a now-viral interview, she urged single women not to wait for marriage. Career success, she warned, can make women forget time, and time, she stressed, is ruthless. Her words resonated across Facebook and YouTube like a spiritual awakening. “Have the child,” she said, “even if the man isn’t ready to be a father.” And it wasn’t just celebrities echoing this message. A viral clip of a pastor preaching from the pulpit insisted that women over 40 should find a way—any way—to bear a child before menopause closes the door. He even quoted scripture to support the idea, lending religious weight to what was once a controversial proposition.
There is something undeniably compassionate in this message. It reflects empathy—a concern for aging women who want children but fear running out of time. It offers hope, power, and even a sense of agency. Ethically, it seems to lean toward maximizing benefit and minimizing harm. And yet, as with every popular idea left unchecked, a deeper look reveals a more complex picture. The danger lies not in the advice itself, but in presenting it as the only path, the golden truth, the final answer to a woman’s search for fulfillment.
What’s often missing in these conversations is the voice of the child yet to be born—the one brought into the world not out of love, but urgency. If a woman seeks to solve her loneliness or social pressure by having a child without a committed partner, does she consider what it means to raise that child in the absence of a present father figure? Are we giving birth to joy—or creating a new generation of children with lingering questions about where they came from, and why?
We must also question the underlying assumption that a man’s only role in a woman’s life is to provide sperm for procreation. Is motherhood the sole measure of feminine success? If that were the case, widows and divorcees would all feel fulfilled, having had children. But many of them, even in comfort and with grown offspring, still long for genuine companionship. Marriage, when stripped of pretense, isn’t about utility. It’s about love, connection, mutual witnessing—the human desire to be chosen again and again, not just needed.
There’s a viral story of Kay, a 68-year-old woman who found love with Ablack, a man 43 years her junior. Just three days after meeting in person, they were engaged. For Kay, who had already experienced three failed marriages, this wasn’t about having children. It was about feeling young again—loved, accepted, alive. “I don’t feel old when I’m around him,” she said, glowing like a teenager. Her joy was never rooted in biology, but in the emotional rejuvenation that love provides. She wanted what every human craves: connection, tenderness, the sense that you matter to someone in this vast world.
And yes, a woman can always find a man willing to get her pregnant—just as even the most mentally unstable women on the streets tragically still fall victim to rape and end up with children. But is that the bar we want to set? Is pregnancy without responsibility the modern standard of womanhood? Is it enough to just have a child, while sacrificing the dream of raising that child in a stable, loving, two-parent home? Even the term “baby daddy” implies a man without duty—there for conception, gone for everything else.
True happiness is often found not just in bearing a child, but in doing so within the context of emotional safety and mutual care. The truth is, no one—man or woman—feels completely whole without someone to grow old with, to be vulnerable with, to wake up beside in sickness and in health. Marriage may be flawed, but it still holds the promise of unity and shared destiny in a way that no social trend can replace.
We’ve seen public figures with wealth and children admit this truth. Tiwa Savage, despite her fame and financial freedom, confessed that her biggest regret was leaving her marriage. She admitted that many women who celebrate divorce often do so loudly to hide their quiet ache. Similarly, Bill Gates described his divorce as the “greatest mistake” of his life. These are not people lacking money or legacy, but intimacy and shared meaning.
Instead of glorifying childbearing at all costs, why not advocate for prevention rather than therapy? Why not teach young women—and men—the value of character, humility, and making wise relationship choices early on? Why not reimagine polygamy, not as a threat, but as a more honorable alternative for those who might benefit from it, rather than raising children in fragmented households? At least polygamy confers legitimacy, stability, and a clear sense of identity—something countless “baby mama” scenarios fail to provide.
Yes, a study once claimed that childless, single women are statistically the happiest group. But even its author, Professor Paul Dolan, acknowledged that societal pressure and stigma often rob these women of the peace they deserve. So, is it really the lifestyle that makes them happiest—or the absence of judgment?
In the end, having a child outside marriage may solve one problem—childlessness—but it creates many more. Children grow. They ask questions. “Where’s my father?” “Why don’t I have a family like my friends?” And when a woman has no partner to turn to, how will she handle her own emotional and sexual needs? Will she turn to random men who never see her as worthy of marriage? What happens to morality, health, and social progress when temporary solutions become permanent norms?
It is far more noble to prepare women early to avoid the desperation that leads to these difficult choices. Let’s teach dignity over panic, patience over shortcuts. Let’s not forget that love—real love, mutual love—still matters. Kay found it at 68, not for a child, not for money, but for joy. That tells us something profound: the human heart never outgrows its desire to be seen, chosen, and cherished.
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