A complete outsider, a loner, James – bullied, invisible, starved for connection – until Sarah notices him. She doesn’t ‘love’ love him; she just cares for him, truly. She doesn’t like that mates around look down on him. She ‘pities’ him.
But to James, this is the best feeling anyone has ever had for him, not even his own mother who barely tolerates him, nor his father that abandoned them. He feels actual love, mutual one, for that matter. To many else, it’s almost obvious Sarah’s just being kind to him so he won’t be alone and lonely.
They date, if you can call it that. James never expects much, not even sex or grand romance. But he tries to keep up, even when Sarah is unavailable for him; he understands, and he carries on the love. You can imagine, he’s just there, stunned that a proper girl as fit as Sarah thinks to care enough to look at him, to look inside him and shine her light. For once, he isn’t a ghost in his own life.
But when Sarah ultimately ends it formally – it was bound to happen – James doesn’t shatter, he doesn’t tear. He’s gutted, of course, very sad, but he chooses gratitude over heartbreak.
Think of the pain it would be on him, far worse than being invisible, graver than when he was alone until Sarah swept him off his feet. Yet he is grateful. Because now he’s qualified to say he has loved and been loved. It’s an honour of his lowly life.
For a lonely boy like James that nobody has ever seen, that’s everything. The love was small, maybe not even real, but it was more than enough… it was everything.
He chose gratitude for being seen over heartbreak.
I think it’s his honour to be heartbroken, cos there’s no heartbreak without love or trust. I believe he’s qualified to say now that he’s loved.. and been loved, I guess.
Poor James..
