I remember when my first boyfriend broke up with me. It felt like my whole world crumbled. First, it was really hard thinking about the love messages, flowers, dates- all of these were a joke. I was like a confused little girl standing in the middle of the road with no clue where to head to. I’d cry myself to sleep every night hoping that everything was a dream and I would wake up to find him smiling down at me. But on waking up, the reality dawns on me; he is gone and he was never going to come back.
That period of my life was the worst. Even though it was very difficult moving on, it was actually the choice I had. Now, for those of you who have witnessed an ugly heartbreak or disappointment in life, here is how you can love yourself more.
- Give yourself time to grieve;
It is totally okay to cry and punch the wall; never let anyone make you think otherwise. When I had a messy break up with my boyfriend, I cried like a baby. It was as if someone was continuously stabbing my heart over and over again. If you are going through a messy breakup, the least you can do is not to suppress the emotion just because you want to be mature about the whole stuff. Crying doesn’t make you weak; it is the first process you have to pass through if you want to heal completely. So cry as much as you can; talk to someone about your pain if you have to. With time, the pain will slowly fade away. So, give yourself time to grieve.
- Learn to let go;
Yes, I know it is actually easier said than done and I am not trying to be insensitive here. Remember I have walked in the same shoes before so I know where it hurts. But truth is, you have to learn how to let go. You can’t grieve forever; you can’t bring him back either so just try and position your mind in such a way that you gradually let everything go.
- Don’t blame yourself;
It wasn’t your fault that they decided to be assholes and failed to fight for a relationship. They didn’t love you enough? It is not your fault either. So, stop blaming yourself. What we don’t get to understand is that love is not a feeling but a choice. When you are in a relationship, the chances of you meeting people who will make you fall out of love with your partner is very high but having met these people, you still choose to love your partner because you treasure them that much. They could have chosen to love you too but they didn’t which is totally not your fault. So stop blaming yourself that they didn’t make the right choice.
- Focus on the positive things you learnt from the relationship;
Yes, you may have been hurt. The pain must have been indescribable but surely, you must have learned one or two things from your past relationship. It might take some time to be in the right frame of mind before you are able to do this but with time, you will look back at the relationship and smile at the experience it gave you.
- It is time to love yourself to stupor;
Now, it is time to focus more on yourself and realize that you deserve better. Focus all your energy in trying to be a better person. Stop thinking about getting him back but focus more on the things you can do to become a better person. You can choose to learn a new craft; be better in school; create something. Few weeks after my boyfriend broke up with me, I finished my first novel. I channeled all the negative feeling I had and finished my first novel. It was an awesome feeling.
While you may be waking up through the ladder of self healing, you must definitely be faced with so much lonely times. In those moments, you could cope by;
- Watching a movie; you could make Netflix your new best friend.
- Reading a book.
- You could hang out with friends.
- Meditate often
- Be open to other relationships.
I hope you come to the realization that just because they fell out of love with you and broke up with you doesn’t mean there is nobody out there that will love you completely just the way you are.