Across centuries, “until death do us part”, has become one of the most recognizable statements meant to signify a vow between two lovers to never be separated. Unfortunately, it has become one of the most mocked promises ever in this present age, and has slowly turned into a question more than a decree.
From top tech mogul couples like Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie Scott as well as Bill Gates and Melinda French Gates, to high profile celebrity couples such as Hollywood power couple, Brad Pitt (who was previously married to Jennifer Aniston) and Angelina Jolie, as well as Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, the trend of divorce is seen, showing that even money is not enough to hold the sacred vow, “till death do us part.” Nonetheless, even among the average and ordinary couple, divorce is as rampant as ever.
In the United States, between 35%-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, with the top three reasons being incompatibility (43%), infidelity (28%), and money issues (22%) based on the U.S. Census Bureau survey. Surprisingly, even Nigeria which holds a reputation of being one of the most religious countries is also following in the trend, with the crude rate of marital dissolution among the married population being 29.5 per 1000 (Akokuwebe and Ntoimo, 2006)
Decades before, our parents would stick together regardless of any odds; be it poverty, infidelity, polygamy, and even a bad temper. Nothing was strong enough to break their wedding vows except death. But the story is different now as couples of even a year, call their union off on any spotting of a “red flag”.
The Origin
The popular phrase “till death do us part” actually originated from Edward VI’s ”Book of Common Prayer” published in 1549, during which most couples kept the promise. However, Eric Klein of Klein attorneys stated that at this period, marriage was evolving into an institution and the human lifespan was almost half of what it is today. He cited that based on Lancaster’s study “Expectations of Life”, the life expectancy of English males from 1500-1745 was between 41-50 years old; so it was more likely for marriages to have lasted longer before death occurred than what it is now as the consciousness of life’s brevity then acted like a kind of check on the couples.
Nevertheless, it is important to note that factors surrounding marriage longevity vary among regions, ethnic groups, religion and individuals.
But the core of the argument here is why say “till death do us part” if you bear in mind exceptions to that statement?
Analyzing the statement, it simply means “nothing but death will separate us” but then, “death” means different things to different people. While some attribute death to the “loss of life of a partner”, others see it as “the loss of the spark which existed between the couples earlier in their dating period.”
Interestingly, nowadays, during marriage ceremonies, many couple prefer not to say the traditional vow; “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health… until death do us part.” But have chosen to say their personally written vows substituting “until death do us part” with statements such as “for as long as our love shall last” or “until our time together is over.”
In response to this development, Sharon Naylor, author of “Your Special Wedding Vows,” stated that personally she thought it was quite a statement on today’s times — as “people know the odds of divorce.” However, it is worthy of note that “until death do us part” originated from the Christian sphere which believe in “walking by faith, and not by sight (in other words, reality). As quoted in the Bible, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel,” hence, questioning the argument of it being more realistic and reasonable to substitute “until death do us part.”
Irreconcilable Differences
Though certain reasons for divorce are quite understandable, one that often raises questions especially for Christians (originators of the death vow) is the reason “irreconcilable differences”. Nigerian celebrities; Tiwa Savage and Tee Billz; Toke Makinwa and Maje Ayida amongst others, are popular examples of couples who cited irreconcilable difference.
Marriage, for Christians, is considered a sacred bond instituted by God, so “irreconcilable differences” which is often associated with a no-fault divorce, where neither party is explicitly blamed for the breakdown of the marriage seems incompatible with Christian beliefs because it suggests that there is no possibility of resolving the issues and reconciling the relationship. This reason therefore denies Christian love teachings which emphasizes “bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things and enduring all things”, working through difficulties, forgiving one another, and seeking reconciliation in a marriage.
The concept of “irreconcilable differences” hence, comes against the wedding vow “until death do us part” which hails perseverance, commitment, and the belief that with faith, love, and effort, a marriage can stand.
Yet, even among Christians, the view on divorce varies among denominations and individual believers. While some Christians interpret the Bible’s teachings on divorce more strictly, others are more lenient and understanding in certain circumstances.
Ultimately, with everything considered, marriage is turning personal, more than ever and “until death do us part” is becoming more of a question.
