My Husband’s Money Is ‘Our’ Money But My Money Is My Money
Mr. Stanley Ugagbe has N1 Million in his account. His adorable wife, Mrs. Juliet Stanley has N3 Million in her account. Their house rent which is N800,000.00, has just expired. Between the man and his wife, who should pay the rent?
In recent weeks, the above scenario has continued to divide opinions on social media among users – including the married, divorced, singles and the about to weds. A forensic analysis of some of the comments on this issue shows that most of the reactions are informed by personal interest, gender defense and a host of other untenable reasons.
“My husband’s money is our money but my money is my money,” is another topical issue that has continued to elicit highly exhilarating, quite insalubrious and perhaps repugnant reactions that are informed by naivety, ignorance, personal interest and the evergreen gender defense fist.
In the first scenario painted above, many people (both males and females) strongly opined that the man should pay. The major reason most of them gave to substantiate their recommendation is that, ‘that is the only way the man will have peace because if the woman pays the rent, she would always rub it on his face’. Some other respondents believe that it is the sole duty of the man to pay the rent so irrespective of the situation – even if he doesn’t have money, he should never bank on his wife. He just has to look for a means to pay, even if he has to borrow.
More so, some female respondents who harped on the issue did not mince words when they said if the husband does not have money to pay at the time, they can borrow him the money and when he has, he refunds them. Some male respondents also share this view. The view has a strong link to the growing notion of “My husband’s money is our money but my money is my money”.
However, there are few who believe that the husband and his wife are a unit so the woman can come in if the husband does not have at the time.
Over the years, there has been a gradual, but now becoming sudden deviation from the principles laid down for man for every facet of life, including marriage institution by the One who ordained these institutions. And, unfortunately, the more we deviate and tend to do things in our way, the more things get sour before our very eyes.
One of the greatest prices for marriage to work is to give up on INDIVIDUALISM in order to achieve unity of purpose, especially in the areas of finance and work balance (1Corin 3:3, Psalm 133:1-3). It is expected that from the moment the two are consummated to become ONE, the sole belief and use of ‘my’ must be consciously done away with and changed to ‘our’ for instance, it should be ‘our car’, ‘our children’, ‘our responsibilities’, ‘our house’ etc. (I Corin 4:6-7). It becomes a clear deviation from the order when one partner begins to say certain things belong to them – my land, my project, my business, my money etc.
In his first letter to the Corinthians, my mentor, Apostle Paul clearly stated that the husband is for the wife and the wife is for the husband. So, they must do all things in common and in agreement. Even as a group, the Early Church was able to conquer and achieve greatness because they had all things in common. If a group of people could give up on individualism for singleness of purpose, how much more two people “who agreed to live as a UNIT?”
It becomes bemusing, spirit grieving and a total deviation from the original order when you say Mr. Stanley has N1 million, his darling wife has N3 million. In that house, Mr. Stanley does not have N1 million, his sweetheart does not have N3million, what “THEY” have in the house is N4m. So, they should pay their rent from what ‘they’ have.
This does not override the clear cut roles assigned to the husband and the wife by the One who ordained marriage institution. They are expected to complement each other in playing these roles. In Genesis 2:18, God said ‘I will make him a helpmeet comparable to him’.
If your husband’s money is ‘our’ money but ‘my money is my money,’ you’re not comparable to him. God was clear that the TWO shall become one. And, Scriptures did not say they shall become one in ‘some areas’. Becoming one is in all areas – these include your bodies and everything you both have. You must continually have all things in common with singleness of purpose.
Reality is that some of us see God’s order as obsolete and have resorted to doing things our own way – changing the order. Yet, things keep falling apart. Divorce pandemic is on the rise. We can never be wiser than God and we cannot compromise His standard and expect things to remain the same. Until we retrace our steps and allow God’s word to have full expression in our marriages, careers, and the totality of our being, things will continue to go sour. The Word remains the roadmap to a successful marriage.
To all the singles that are trusting God for a life partner, one of the most crucial qualities you need to look out for and never trade for anything is a ‘partner that fears God’.
Stanley Ugagbe is passionate about effecting change through writing. He can be reached through ugagbestanley@gmail.com
