The recent controversy that beclouds the political mass wedding in Niger State leaves many in wonderment. Some wondered why orphaned ladies were “forced” into marriage. This, to them, is barbaric, retrogressive, and uncivil. Others complained why outsiders who are ignorant of their culture and religion should find their culture and religion problematic. Some are left in confusion—not knowing who is right or wrong. Yet, we have onlookers who entertain themselves with arguments from the two extremes of the spectrum.
If religion is left out of the hullabaloo, someone like me would have preferred to be an onlooker. Apparently, advocates of mass wedding tried to educate the antagonists. The antagonists also tried to civilize the protagonists. It looks, accordingly, as if the protagonists are educated but not civilized; while the antagonists are civilized but not educated. This dichotomy, if that is truly the case, is not good enough. I think we can be educated and civilized. One without the other could be catastrophic.
Now to the real talk. Is political mass wedding cultural or religious? Okay, let’s do away with the “political.” Is mass wedding cultural or religious? There are, of course, some cultural forms of mass wedding in which cousins and siblings are slated for mass wedding at the same time to add more glamour to it. This is not my concern. My emphasis is on the Niger State mass wedding which generated a lot of noise.
For those who argue it is a religious issue and outsiders should steer clear, I ask: which religion? Religion of God or of men? If we assume it is the religion of God, we can conclude that the religion in question is Islam since the orphaned brides are Muslims and their guardians are also Muslims.
The questions that follow are: how is marriage conducted in Islam? What are the requirements? Who should marry? Islam is a very simple religion which comes with ease. Lovers of ease should fall in love with Islam. When it comes to marriage, the simplicity of Islam remains practically unrivalled.
In addition, the Prophet SAW, who taught us Islam via divine instruction, is learned, civilized, and practical in his manners and approaches to lived reality. He is not utopian—neither in thought nor in practice. He said:“The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.”Again:“The best of Mahrs (bride prices) is the simplest (or most affordable).”He said to a man who wanted to marry: “Look (for something to give as a bride price), even if it is a ring of iron.”This is the simplicity of Islam.
Ali ibn AbiTalib (RA) said: “I married Fatimah (RA) and said: O Messenger of Allah, let me go ahead with the marriage.” He said: “Give her something.” I said: “I do not have anything.” He said: “Where is your Hutami shield? I said “I have it with me.” He said: “Give it to her.”
In our cherished Islamic tradition, Fatimah—like Maryam (Mary) the mother of Jesus (AS)—is one of the leaders of women in Paradise. But this is all that was given to her as bride price. Our Muslim ladies in the North are perhaps“better” than Fatima (RA). Thus, they will rather remain unmarried if the kayan lefeis not complete,and up to their taste.
kayan lefe is a Hausa marriage tradition where the groom presents expensive gift items to his bride as special gifts. For an average man, these Items include: One big box,other set off our or five boxes. These boxes are filled with 15 wrappers (quantity varied at times), 5 pieces of lace, guinea brocade, set of head veils, jewellery, underwear, night gowns, cosmetics, shoes, bags and other materials.
Just like our ladies, our men too cannot imagine marrying a poor lady whose family are unable to buy her multi-layered wardrobe, bed and mattress, furniture, plasma TV, utensils, rugs, and other fittings and electronic appliances.Is this not materialism taken too far? Our men also expect their brides to be accompanied to their marital homes with assorted food stuffs and condiments that should sustain them for a year or six months.All these are to be provided by the bride’s family. How is this practicable in this hard time?
Without the above provisions,no marriage!This is a cultural burden that many unconsciously attribute to Islam. If we say culture is sacred, that is to the extent that it is not harmful. When it becomes harmful, why not discard it?
Where is Islam—the religion that comes with ease—in all this?The Prophets said:”Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way.”While Islam does not place a ceiling on what can be given as Mahr which could be a trillion naira, it could also be anything, no matter how little—given the circumstance of the groom.Rather than beat the drum for this politicized mass wedding,I expect our clerics to help educate our men that marriage expenses is squarely on them—according to their means—as they dream to be heads of households.
Our clerics should also help educate our ladies that their predecessor(Ummu Sulaim[RA]) accepted Islam as her bride price.Do our ladies know that a female companion of the Prophet accepted(as bride price)some portion of the Noble Qur’an the groom had memorized? Or do we think narrations of cherished simplicity about marriage which we read in our tradition are outdated moonlight tales?
I have a very close friend who recited Suratul Fatihah to his wife as bride price. The marriage was successful and fruitful with three kids as I write. How was that possible?They embraced religious simplicity and discarded cultural burden. Though his family(and even those of his wife) were relatively poor when he got married, they did not need any financial support from any government or politician as constituency project in the name of religion. Or what I called “sex subsidy” in the name of marriage in my previous article which some find very uncomfortable.
Truth is bitter but someone has to say it. The Prophet SAW, who remains the best role model, is always practical in approach as mentioned above. What was his advice to the youth? “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married…And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
I am reluctant to agree with Lord Bernard Shaw. He reportedly said—in an off-the-cuff manner—during an interview: “Islam is the best religion and Muslims are the worst followers.”We are bestowed with the best religion, Alhamdulillah. We can also be best followers. Individual Muslim billionaires can help sponsor such marriages if we think it is religious; not government in a religiously polarized democracy like ours.
Abdulkadir Salaudeen
salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com
