Some months back, while I was roaming the streets of Facebook, a message came in. Usually, the first thing I do when I receive a message from a new guy, I check out his profile and his pictures. The level of his cuteness and smartness will determine how I will respond. So immediately the guy messaged me, I dashed off to his timeline. His pictures were okay; it was more like he was into the corporate world, I could tell from his dressing. From his posts, he appeared smart as long as he wasn’t copying someone else’s posts. Concluding that he was cool and responsible enough to deserve my reply, I texted him back. That was how our journey of incessant texts and calls started.
Weeks later, when I was posted to Lagos for my law school, I had the opportunity of meeting up with him. Our first date turned out to be the worse date I ever had. He was nothing like what he looked like in his profile pictures. He was very much down to earth that I was even taller than him. It actually dawned on me that most of his pictures on Facebook were selfies. I never saw his full picture. And with his down to earth stature, came the muscles on his arms making him look like the small version of hulk. His lips were so full and dark that I couldn’t image it resting on my small cute lips. Aside that, I found it difficult walking with him; I cringed each time he tried to hold me but then again, being a good actress, I tried so hard not to make it very much obvious.
Aside the fact that I found him very unattractive, dude was all shades of nice and interesting to be with and I ended up looking past his unappealing body. It was on our fourth date that he summoned the courage to ask me out. I knew deep down within me that I felt nothing for him. I didn’t find him attractive even a bit but it was hard work saying no to his proposal because I was trying to spare his feelings. I mean, how would he feel if he got to know that I could literally throw up if his lips ever made contact with mine?
Aside the fact that I was trying to spare his feelings, I also enjoyed the attention he was giving me and I knew saying no will automatically bring everything to an end. So yes, I found it stressful letting out the word, “No”.
It is true that being rejected sucks but rejecting someone who has been extraordinarily nice to you can suck as much. Contrary to what most men believe, most of us ladies don’t enjoy turning someone down. It is awkward. It is intense. And it can lead to situations you didn’t bargain for.
Because of this, ladies try to reject most guys “gently” – an act that ends up hurting men more and causing worse problems for everyone.
So the question is, how do you say no to that nice guy without hurting his feelings?
You see, you cannot avoid hurting someone’s feelings 100% of the time. It is not possible. When rejecting someone, the message you are obviously passing is, “I don’t like you as much as you like me” and it is definitely not easy for anyone to deal with especially men who are soaked with pride. Rejecting their proposal most times makes them feel emasculated and inferior.
But then in as much as you are trying not to hurt his feelings, it is usually better that you don’t lead him on. If you know you aren’t interested in him, tell him straight up. The longer you wait to tell a man that you are not interested, the harder he will take it. So you need to be crystal clear when you are not interested in a guy. Cut things off as soon as you know he wants to venture into a romantic relationship with you to reduce the chance of a negative reaction.
As for Mr.-Small-Version-of-Hulk, I made the mistake of leading him on because I was enjoying the attention and care he showered on me. Maybe that was selfish of me anyway. I told him I would think about it when there was totally nothing to think about. I gave him the hope that one day I will be girl; a hope he held on to so much that when he realized that I wasn’t into him at all, it left him shattered including our friendship. He felt used and for a while we stopped communicating
Aside being honest and clear, another way you could actually turn down a guy’s proposal without hurting his feelings is by doing it over the text. It could be while you guys are chatting online and he goes all romantic, you could cut it short by telling him you are not interested. And no, please don’t make it look like a joke by fixing “Lol” to your reply. When you have told him over the text that you are not interested, it is left for him to allow that sink in or keep pushing.
Again, even if you have said no, don’t take back your rejection. Even if he keeps messaging you, don’t let it change your mind. Don’t let him make you feel guilty for saying no. You must not date every guy you come across with and it is your choice to make as regards to who you want to date. Once you say no, don’t go back and give him false expectations for the future.
Also, once you say no, don’t resurrect communication between you guys unless you are serious. It doesn’t matter if you are lonely and you want someone to comfort you; it doesn’t matter if you are feeling bad for saying no; it doesn’t matter if you miss him. Unless you are serious about pursing a romantic relationship with him, let him be.
You see, if you don’t like someone, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. After all, you can’t change who you are attracted to. You have my full permission to say “No”. Just be smart about it.