The reason why communities and families collect either a token or a huge amount before giving their daughters out in marriage has long been a confusing issue.
While some say it’s symbolic without being able to say what it symbolizes, others have made attempt to describe the symbolic gesture as appreciation to the family of the lady.
Another group which I happen to share in their sentiments describes the gesture as a ‘price to acquire’.
In plain language, price is the cost of a commodity.
Irrespective of how small or big, the symbolic gesture is the price to have a lady as ‘one’s possession’.
In most communitities, if the young man who has come to seek a lady’s hand in marriage is unable to complete the list of marriage list, he is expressly told that he is owing.
He can take his wife but will come back and complete the payment. In the Igbo community, there is something called ‘Ima Ogodo’. Men who didn’t complete the entire list at the first time can come back and do the Ima Ogodo and then complete the list.
What many do not know is that, a man who did not complete the payment of the marriage rites of his wife will not be allowed to receive marriage rites beyond what he was able to do for his wife. This is not a secret.
If a man did not complete marriage rites, and the wife dies, some communities will still compel him to complete it before they can participate in their daughters burial. This is also not a secret.
For some who feel that bride price means a symbolic appreciation to the parents, only needs to answer the question of whether the community/ Family should be the ones to say what the appreciation should be.
If the bride price list generated by communities and families are for appreciation, then the Man should be allowed to appreciate the family at ease, with what he has.
Giving out expensive conditions and amounts and then saying it’s appreciation doesn’t sound logical.
Who tells somebody what to appreciate them with?
Before now, a child is considered a child of all which necessitated the need for the community to have a say in the price that they place on a lady for marriage.
A child remains a child of all, however, custom and tradition should evolve as humans evolve.
A price tag only symbolizes one thing, which is that the commodity is for sale.
Just like you can google prices of commodity, you can easily find out what marrying a woman costs in any Igbo community(for instance) even before you start dating her.
What does this mean? Every lady in every community already has a price placed on her by the community.
This is the exact situation of things…
I am also of the school of thought that believes that no amount of money is enough to pay (as bride price or whatever it is called) to have a fully trained adult to come and answer one’s name and bear him Children. I am sure any rational human knows this.
Dear Man, Have you ever asked, why must you spend so much financially to have a wife ? What’s the significance ?
Dear Lady , Have you ever asked why a man have to spend that amount of money before your parents will allow you to start a life with a man you love ?
It’s time we begin to have these difficult discussions even though we know that some of these traditions also have their positive sides, however, we must evolve to be better.
