A Satirical Article
I’m not a big fan of reality TV programmes: the original concept of showcasing the lives of
ordinary people has been lost in a maelstrom of faceless (- and often talent-less) wannabes acting
out badly written scripts in an effort to boost ratings and get their fifteen minutes of fame.
‘Big Brother’ started out as a social experiment and now has become the ‘must-be-on’ show; the
Kardashian clan would probably be waiting tables, working check-outs or standing at street
corners in skimpy outfits – at night – if it wasn’t for ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ and
many ‘blink-and-you’ll-miss-them’ celebrities would still be hustling from out of their humble
hovels.
And now we have the ‘Real Housewives of Lagos’ copying a format that has been rolled out in
nearly every major city of America, supposedly showcasing the lives of ‘ordinary’ successful
housewives.
Don’t get me wrong! I’m not anti-reality TV especially if it’s dished out in reasonable watchable
portions, so it doesn’t scramble the brain, and not rammed down our throats 24/7. And besides
I’ve got better things to do with my time than to gawk at a group of performing primates and
getting into heated arguments about what they get up to. Do I care what the Kardashians wore
to the beach yesterday?
Reality TV nowadays is over the top and getting beyond the ridiculous. And sadly its given birth
to a huge following of die-hard fans who hang on to everything the stars say and do , following
them on every SM portal known to mankind. Again, there’s nothing wrong in following
somebody on SM but are they really proper role models?
So, we’ve already established the fact that if you want to keep a majority of the Nigerian youths
out of trouble, and busy, all you have to do is run BBN shows back-to-back all year round: their
tiny little minds can only focus on one thing – Big Brother! If the President decides to walk butt
naked down the street they won’t see him because they’ll be too busy watching BBN or some
other reality TV claptrap 24/7 and discussing it.
Now back to the ‘Real Housewives of Lagos’ : a colleague dropped me a link to the trailer and
some previews and asked for my opinion. Now I have lived in Lagos and I do know what a real housewife looks like: hard-working, caring and down to earth. So, you can imagine my surprise when a bunch of pretentious, over-
privileged, over-dressed women with inch-long fingernails and fake accents parade themselves as
the ‘Real Housewives of Lagos’. In the real world none of them would last five minutes in a
home or a kitchen, that’s if they even know how to cook! I know it makes for good
entertainment but when the ‘acting’ is over the top, ridiculous make-believe cat-fights which
often spill on to SM, flaunting wealth that would put even Dangote to shame then its time to
switch off the telly. This is not how real housewives act and live.
Now if you want a great reality TV show I propose the ‘Real Housewives of Ajegunle’: the acting
will be real as they are the real salt-of-the-earth people where you’ll have Mama-Mulika waking
up in her face-me-I-face-you room and parlour at the crack of dawn eefing and blinding at her
lazy husband still in bed, dressing up and feeding her kids before shoving them out of the door
for school. Not forgetting the punch-up for who gets to use the sole bathroom first: no catfights
here for it’ll be the Real Anthony Joshua vs Tyson Fury thing.
The gossip will be equally interesting: who is sleeping with somebody else’s husband, who stole
meat from somebody’s cooking pot, who votes APC and who votes PDP, who has a side chick
and who’s using dubious means to make money.
And then there’s transportation to talk about. No flashy chauffeur driven SUV or Rolls Royce or
jaunts to Dubai or Paris flying first class on Emirates. Out of the house and out and about in
Ajegunle it’s a ride in a danfo, BRT, keke nape or a bumpy ride on an okada or if you can get a
cowry card you can ride the Blue Line to Marina.
Fancy dinner is at a Mama-put with more flies buzzing around than in a pit latrine and a drink
with friends will be at a beer parlour, with lots of area boys and other undesirables for company
and not some swish Lekki night club. Couple that up with the high cost of living where your
minimum wage Naira can’t even buy a box of tomatoes. Forget about flashing Dollars or Euros
for a facial.
So, if you want a real proper reality TV show with ‘real’ people bring on the ‘Real Housewives of Ajegunle’.
The ratings will go through the roof!
Follow me on Twitter: @Archangel641 or visit http://www.archangel641.blogspot.co.uk
