Let us paint a picture:
Nigeria was being discussed in America like neighbours analysing your parenting skills while eating groundnut. CNN talking. C-SPAN talking. Even commentators who think Jollof is rice and stew were giving opinions.
Nigeria looked at our Senate President like a mother sending her child for salt:
“Go and talk for us.”
And the response we got was pure philosophical, Yoruba-nollywood-level emotional:
“Who am I?”
Ah.
Omo.
My chest.
That day, Nigeria entered “Are we joke to you?” mode.
If leadership were NEPA light, that moment was Up NEPA, down in 2 seconds. If it were NIN queue, we had just reached the front when network went off. If it were Glo data, it was 12GB that finished after opening only Instagram explore page.
Nigeria expected Lion of the Chamber.
We got chicken coughing cold breeze.
Expected thunder, received “Ehehn okay now.” You know that friend who talks loudest when it’s gossip time, but when it’s time to contribute money, suddenly becomes quiet like a graveyard after 12?
That is the vibe we experienced.
Senate during SUV discussions:
“We must decide TODAY!”
Senate when Nigeria needed a voice: Pin drop silence. Even the microphone was asking: “Hello? Are we on mute?”
The whole scene was like: Fire in the kitchen, Daddy asking, “But who am I to carry water?” Pickpocket running away, Police saying, “Who am I to chase him?” Danfo conductor slapping you, Driver whispering “Who am I to interfere?” At that moment, even LASTMA behaved faster.
Maybe he wasn’t silent. Maybe the network just didn’t reach him, like NTA remote. Maybe he’s on Do-Not-Disturb governance mode. Maybe he was in a deep place thinking existential thoughts like: “Why am I here? Who sent me? Who truly am I?”
Senior man went on spiritual flight without visa.
Nigeria needed a speaker. We got WhatsApp voice note pending for 2 hours. We needed backbone. We got agege bread soaked in rain. Honestly, even traffic light in Ojota is more reliable.
If we’re being sincere, nobody disappears like Nigerian leaders when responsibility rings bell. EFCC appears faster. Amotekun arrives sooner. Even NEPA sometimes surprises us with light.
But this one?
Ah.
Vanishing wizardry.
DPO of disappearance.
Houdini of silence.
So what’s the moral of this story?
Nothing. Zero.
This whole gist is for cruise and soft breakfast on the timeline. We are tired of thinking, let us laugh small before Monday comes and reality slaps us without remotes.
Nigeria called for a voice.
Nigeria received Airplane Mode.
If you laughed, share it.
If you didn’t laugh, share it for punishment.
If you read it twice, congratulations, you now have dual citizenship in Cruise Nation.
