So sad to love and not be loved in return

You are madly in love. Your partner also claims to love you too. Yours looks like love made and delivered by Cupid. How lucky you are!

But wait a minute? Is it really true? Does your partner really love you?

Your mind tells you one thing; your heart tells you another. But you prefer to believe your heart, because you don’t want to face the reality. You are afraid of the consequences of accepting the truth.

But you can see some clear signs that show you are labouring to keep a one-sided relationship going. You are hoping against hope to make this work.

If you don’t call, you don’t get called. If you don’t visit your partner, you don’t get visited. If you offend your partner, you apologise; and if your partner offends you, you still apologise. Why? Because if you don’t apologise, the cold war will continue forever: your partner will use that as an excuse to do a Usain Bolt.

Sorry, you are on a long thing!

Love is extremely painful and frustrating if it is unrequited. Our people say that the he-goat placed on a she-goat does not mate.

Most times, ladies find it more difficult to get the message. Why? First, we live in a masculine society where it is still seen as a taboo for a woman to approach a man for a relationship. Secondly, and most importantly, a man can marry at 50 years or above and still father children, but not so for women. So, some women get desperate once they hit 30 years and close their eyes to all the warning signals, all in a bid to get married.

But can a one-sided relationship lead to a happy marriage? Most unlikely. When you are not loved, you are not loved. Forget the pretences.

Love is like pregnancy: it cannot be hidden. If someone loves you, you will know. Forget words. Kwukason is not mekason! Love is best displayed in action. Gbam!

When someone loves you, there are certain traits the person must display. Here they are:


  1. Lovers cherish each other’s company

Those who are in love are eager to be in each other’s company. They never seem to have enough of each other. Whenever the time to part comes, they feel sad. And we are not talking about sex here.

Let’s draw a line between a true lover who wants companionship and a sex seeker who wants sex. A lover wants to share hours on end, while the sex seeker wants to attend to some other things once sex is served and done with.

Lovebirds are usually unproductive when together, because they savour each other’s company. They watch hours fly past like seconds. When they are apart, the distance is bridged with long phone calls, online chatting, and daydreaming. They don’t want to attend to assignments until they become late.

When your so-called sweetheart feels bored with you or is eager to dismiss you, then wahala dey! When your darling always finds excuses not to be with you, then all is not well. Let your alarm start ringing.

  1. Love loosens the tongue

The most taciturn person on earth wants to chat with his or her sweetheart. The topic of discussion does not matter. It may even be on a topic like the sounds, styles and stench of fart! Yuk! What matters is that true lovers love to talk with each other as long as time permits: face-to-face, on phone, on the Internet, via Skype, through letters, anyhow, anyway, anywhere, any time! Time never seems to be enough.

When you find it hard to chat with the person you love, that should warn you that your future happiness is jeopardised.

What do lovers really discuss? Nothing. Isn’t that why it is called “sweet nothings”?

When you easily run out of what to say to each other, then know that all is not well with your relationship.

If your partner is too busy to call, to visit you, to send or reply an sms, to chat online, all is not well. Please, don’t even accept the I-am-busy line. Even an unmarried president of a country or the CEO of a multinational will never be too busy to talk with their lover.

If your partner does not call you – or only calls once in a blue moon – and you are the one always calling, please, wake up. Or, are you a learner?

  1. Lovers respect each other

No matter the age gap, lovers have great respect for each other. No sensible person will do anything in public that will diminish the respect or self-esteem of their partner. Worse still, no one will accept to watch calmly their lover disrespected by someone else.

When your sweetheart treats you like “bitter-heart” by dishing out disrespect to you, or does not show righteous anger when someone else disrespects you, then the person feels little or nothing for you.

  1. Love can’t exist without laughter

A love relationship should be filled with laughter and happiness. Even if you never laugh with anyone, you should be able to laugh with your loved one. If the sky is about to drop and you see your sweetheart, some measure of joy and calm should come into your heart.

If your “sweetheart” laughs when in other people’s company but does not laugh or feel happy in your company, then you are simply being tolerated.

Also, if your relationship is filled with quarrels and sadness, all is not well with it.

  1. Are you in his/her future plans?

Here in Nigeria, most relationships are meant to end in a marriage. When you are thinking of marriage but your partner is thinking of something else, it is a danger signal. When your partner finds all the excuses in the world to avoid marriage discussions or plans, you have to be on your guard.

When your partner does not mind if you get married to someone else, that is a clear message to you.

If you are valuable or precious, your partner will want to have you for keeps.

  1. Is he/she proud of you?

Except for teenagers who engage in secret relationships, mature people are keen to show off their partners. If your partner flaunts you at clubs and parties but hides you from family members, especially parents, then know that you are most likely a spare tyre.

If after many months of having a relationship, your partner still introduces you simply as “John,” “Jane” or “my friend,” please, wake up and smell the coffee, honey!

Never be a stand-by generator

When one is giving but not receiving, one feels terribly unappreciated and unworthy. One feels frustrated and unhappy. One-sided relationships sap energy. They sap time. They lead to depression. They deny each other better opportunities.

As said earlier, the fear of being alone “roasting” or unmarried is what makes many victims of one-sided relationships. When you are in a one-sided relationship, you will know. You need to re-assess the relationship. You need to know what the problem is, broach it with your partner and make efforts to solve it.

But if it is obvious that the problem cannot be solved – that you are not loved or wanted – then, you need to brace yourself up and give your partner some space. If you are important, your partner will look for you and start treating you right. But if your partner does not come for you, then thank your stars for saving you from a future marital prison.

Just move on. You are too precious to be someone’s sidekick; too priceless to be a standby generator. No, no, no! You are more precious than rubies, and more valuable than gold. You are wonderfully and fearfully made.

Someone who will love and cherish you will come along.



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