Nigeria’s Mocking (Monkey) Posts

First, let me thank tosyne2much who helped with the heart of the mocking post explanation, I only added a few edits and did the comparative.

Nigeria is one of the countries in the world that are passionate about football. Both young and old people from this part of the world love football and can go through physical stress to show their undying love for it.

When growing up as a kid, we used to play street football which we call “monkey post”. I know many of us have no idea what Monkey Post is all about, so let me introduce you to it.

Monkey post is a street football that is played by a few players. It’s a type of football that is usually played in an open place. It could be on the street or an abandoned plot of land. The goalpost is usually made with tires, blocks or wood and it’s measured with a player’s foot.

In almost every area, there’s always this undeveloped or abandoned plot of land where people easily convert it to a football pitch until the owner is ready to farm on it or build a house on it. The pitch is sometimes named after popular stadiums like Old Trafford, San Siro, etc

Monkey post allows just a few players on the pitch (let’s 10 players) that’s 5 players from each side, unlike a normal football pitch that can contain 22 players. This type of football doesn’t have a referee, linesman or a goalkeeper. Although, the last man does the work of a goalkeeper but he’s not allowed to use his hands to prevent goals but only his legs

Here are slangs used in Monkey Post

Allow

This is a slang usually made by a player to alert his fellow players that he wants to go on a counterattack and that nobody should impede his movement. As soon as a player shouts “alloooooooow”, he goes on counter attack with the aim of dribbling his opponent and scoring while one of his players is expected to take his position until he finishes the job and returns back.

Lastman

The last man is just like a goalkeeper in normal football just that he’s not allowed to use his hands but his leg to prevent goals. When the ball touches the hand of a lastman, it’s a penalty and that’s why every lastman avoids having a hand contact with the ball.

Ojoro

Ojoro simply means “we’ve been cheated”. In monkey posts, there are no referees or linesmen, therefore, there are usually disagreements in decision-making. The norm of monkey posts is that decisions are usually made by spectators, so if the spectators make a biased judgement the word “ojoro” means they made by a team means “we’ve been cheated”. If majority of the spectators decide that it’s penalty or a foul, then it’s a foul and vice versa

Set

Since Monkey Post is a type of football that allows not more than 10 people on the pitch, other players that want to play will form a group of five people and will be waiting for a team to trash the other so that they will play. This is what we call a set and it’s usually formed by those who came early to the pitch.

Here are some interesting things about Monkey Post

1. Decisions are made by spectators, no referee and lines men except in case of competition ref will be appointed.
2. The match ends when everyone is tired or when it’s getting dark.
3. The owner of the ball is more like a king. If he gets angry he can decide to end the game by taking his ball home. He also decides who plays.
4. The most skillful player always gets automatic selection.
5. The game is usually fun when it’s raining.
6. Most times people play with their barefoot so you need to be very careful so that you will not sustain injury.
7. The match is not more than 10-15 minutes. No first or second half If the match ends in a draw, a penalty will follow suit.
8. Penalty is played from one goalpost to the other without anybody trying to prevent it. It’s just a far range penalty without a goalkeeper preventing it, and it is mostly awarded only if an injured player curses a lot.
9. The fat kid was always the defence.
10. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will be determined by the last team to score.
11. If you don’t participate in repairing the ball you are given a match ban.
12. If you’re picked last, you’re a loser.
13. The guy who’s never picked was to fetch the ball from the tree/gutter/other compound when it got stuck, under the car or tunnel to play in the next game.
14. Also, if there is too much argument, we will throw the ball in the air, and the team that gets it continues with the game.
15. No doctor to attend to you when you sustain injury. You just have to be careful.

Now to the main “mocking” or monkey post, in the course of last week, the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics stated that Nigerian public officials received at least ₦721 billion (approximately $1.26 billion) in bribes in 2023, which is about 0.35% of Nigeria’s GDP.

– Despite a decrease from 2019, bribery remains widespread, with an average of 5.1 bribes paid per bribe payer, totalling around 87 million bribes nationwide.

– Most bribes (95%) were paid in cash or through money transfers.

– Public officials are more likely to demand bribes, while private sector actors, including doctors in private hospitals, are also involved.

– The average cash bribe increased to ₦8,284, but its value decreased by 29% when adjusted for inflation.

– 56% of Nigerians interacted with public officials in 2023, down from 63% in 2019.

– 27% of those who interacted with public officials paid bribes, a slight decrease from 29% in 2019.

– 70% of those asked to pay bribes refused at least once, with the highest refusal rates in the North-West zone.

– Bribery is becoming less accepted, with fewer citizens viewing it as acceptable to expedite administrative procedures.

– 60% of public sector workers were hired due to nepotism, bribery, or both between 2020 and 2023.

– The use of bribery is lower when the recruitment process includes formal assessments.

– Bribery is more common in rural areas, with rural residents paying an average of 5.8 bribes compared to 4.5 bribes in urban areas.

– Corruption is a significant concern for Nigerians, ranking fourth among the most important problems affecting the country in 2023.

– Confidence in the government’s anti-corruption efforts has declined, with less than a third of citizens thinking the government is effective in fighting corruption in 2023, compared to over half in 2019.

I will conclude by saying that Nigeria’s street football known as “monkey post” epitomizes both the passion and the informality in the country’s daily life, where rules are flexible, and decisions are made by spectators, mirroring the nation’s struggle with corruption.

Just as monkey posts operate without formal referees, the lack of stringent oversight in Nigeria allows bribery and nepotism to thrive, with bribery being more prevalent in rural areas and a significant proportion of public sector workers being hired through corrupt practices. This enduring issue undermines confidence in the government’s anti-corruption efforts, highlighting the need for systemic reforms to restore faith in public institutions—May Nigeria win.