Coping with an abusive partner can be a horrible experience. Domestic abuse and violence can happen to anyone and it is dangerous if overlooked or ignored
Are you slowly dying in an abusive relationship? If so, being silent about it is detrimental to you. No one should be imprisoned by fear with the person they love.
It is important to understand what physical abuse is and what it entails. It occurs when one partner in the relationship controls and/or dominates the other through acts of violence indirectly, such as emotional abuse (calling names, swearing, threatening, demeaning, humiliating) and physical abuse, directly (hitting, slapping, kicking, reckless driving or other acts that hurt or threaten you). This sort of abuse is used to gain and maintain control over you. Your abuser may use fear, guilt, intimidation or shame to dominate you.
Anyone can be physically abused, although, women are mostly victims, men are also abused; especially verbally and emotionally. However, No circumstance in a relationship justifies abuse of any kind. If you are being either emotionally, mentally or physically abused in your relationship, you need to take action – fast!
Whether you have been physically abused directly or indirectly abused, what is important is for you to know that you should not remain silent and also, you should know that there are ways you can get out of your situation without getting hurt.
Most times, the purpose of the abuse is for the abuser to take or maintain control over their partner. An abuser may use guilt, fear, intimidation, and shame, as well as physical abuse to wear a victim down and keep them under his/her control.
Handling/ overcoming an abusive relationship and be tasking and requires tactics. Here are some few steps to guide o how to deal with it.
- You must not suggest to an abusive partner that you want to leave them. You are at risk when you leave or suggest leaving your abusive partner. If you have decided that you are leaving an abusive partner, there are steps to take before doing that.
- Be honest with yourself and take a stand. Do not try to cover up or make excuses for the behaviour of an abusive partner. Do not endure for another day. No one can help you if you don’t help yourself first. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are in an abusive relationship and be willing to do what it takes to change the way things are. This won’t be easy, it may even frighten you but it is necessary for your well being and survival.
- You should seek guidance or counselling from a trusted friend or relative. Your abusive partner may have succeeded in keeping you far from your friends and family because they do not appreciate you talking about your abusive relationship with anyone, but in other for you to deal with the situation and not the other way road, you need to take this step. You can talk to a counsellor who is experienced on domestic violence, or talk to a pastor or priest if you belong to a church. You can also look for a women’s shelter, domestic violence centre or a rape crises centre.
- If you have chosen to work on an abusive relationship, encourage your partner to seek the counselling. Leaving a letter might be better than telling him head-on.
- You might need to separate (at least a month or a year, depending on the situation) from your husband or partner to ensure your safety.
- Reconciliation is impossible unless both of you are willing to work it out. This could be a long process of rebuilding and relearning – of rest, mutual respect and most of all, love. Is there is still hope for the relationship? You must be sure of this before trying to save the relationship.
Abuse can turn out to be deadly, so put your safety first. If you fear that your partner is not changing and will stop at nothing to abuse you physically, then it is time to end that relationship.
Make plans to leave.
- Do NOT let your partner know what you are planning.
- Delete your browsing history if you’ve been reading things like this article to get information.
- Always have money set aside in a safe place and make sure that he won’t notice.
- Have a bag already packed with your things and that of your kids if you have any.
- Do not tell anyone who might tell him what you’re planning. The fewer people you tell the better. Most people you tell will tell one person, and so on.
- Collect any evidence you have of physical abuse (photos, tape recordings, video, etc.) If you can, email them to yourself at an email account he cannot access, but you can access on another computer (e.g. Gmail, Yahoo).
- Get an extra key for the car (if he thinks you might leave, he may take the key to preventing you from doing so. If you need to get a copy, do this when you are able to. Hide it in a place you can access easily in a hurry if need be.
- When you are planning to leave, you might want to ask the police for assistance to get you safely away, on the off chance he comes home in the midst of your departure.
- Make sure you’ve packed a bag with what is nessecary.
- Hide this bag where you are positive he won’t find. If you can’t be positive, leave it with a friend, but not one that lives too close to you.
- Choose a time when you are positive he won’t be home. The more time before he finds out you’ve gone – the better.
- Get the children to safety first. If he has an idea you are leaving, he may pick the kids up at school, holding them hostage. Make sure they are safe before you do anything else.
- Don’t flee to a place he’d expect you to go. Go to a shelter or a friend’s place he doesn’t know so he also doesn’t know where they live. A Shelter is best. The addresses are not published, and the buildings are usually secure.
- If you can – leave the city. If you want to leave the state, province or country, get legal advice first.
Your partner will view your leaving as a rejection and betrayal. It won’t matter that you are doing it out of fear for your own, and possibly your children’s safety. He may become more violent. This is the reason for developing a safety plan outside guidance and counsel.
Your partner is abusive because he’s afraid. Regardless of the things he/she does and says, he/she feels inadequate and is over-compensating. They are afraid they’ll lose you, even though most of what they do will most certainly make that happen.
After you have left you must seek legal advice on how to ensure that you and your children (if any) remain safe.