Help, my husband is a closet gay

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Dear aunty Dora,

I have seen other people bring their relationship problems to you and I like the advice you gave them. Now it’s my turn and I am in dire need of advice.

I came from a good Christian background and was brought up in the way of the Lord. I have tried by all possible means to serve God well in my words and deeds. And for this course I did not partake in anything ungodly. I remained a virgin until I got married.

I got married to Kola, the man of my dreams, whom I met when I was only 20 years old in my church.  We became friends and one thing led to another and we started dating. We never had canal knowledge of each other based on an agreement and vow we made to GOD.

Kola was everything to me; he was like a god after GOD. He was loving, caring, understanding and most of all God fearing. He was God’s choice for me without doubt, so I ignored other suitors that came for me. After three years of our courtship, we got married and I was so happy because I thought I had married God’s choice for me.

The first few years went well and we had two sons. After the third year, things went sour. I noticed abnormality in his behavior; he comes home late, seldom spends time with the family and deprived me of sex. Each time I asked, he complains of fatigue caused by stress in his office.

One fateful day, Kola was taking his bath, when his phone rang. I took the phone in a bid to deliver it to him in the bathroom, suddenly my eyes captured a message from his best friend Phil and out of curiosity I opened the message and to my greatest surprise it read: ‘My love, can’t wait to hold and caress you in my arms. I will be waiting to have a pleasurable time with you in our hotel room, missed you’.

I was so shocked but never confronted him. As he came out of the bathroom, I handed the phone to him telling him he had a message. When he got hold of the phone, he smiled at me, telling me it was from his colleague reminding him of the meeting scheduled for the day. I was surprised because it was the first time kola lied to me (so I thought).

He left the house for the hotel and I closely followed, they spent much time inside and I ran out of patience and walked into the hotel. I made inquiry from the receptionist and fortunately got the room number. I walk down the stair wondering what was going on between the two and when I knocked on the door; my husband opened the door with a towel wrapped round his waist, while Phil was on the bed naked. I felt something choking me and I fainted.

I woke up the next morning on a hospital bed with kola by my side, he confessed to me that he was gay and Phil his best man during our wedding is his lover. He pleaded that nobody should know about this and promised never to do it again.

Please, Aunty Dora I need your advice because I don’t want to go back to Kola. The thought of him as gay, disgusts me.  I can’t trust him anymore and I can’t just stand being with him.  I don’t know what I feel for him right now love or hate. Is this God’s way of punishing me for being faithful?

Yours Mrs Distressed

Answer

Dear Mrs Distressed

Many thanks indeed for your email. I can understand how you feel and it is absolutely normal to have such feelings in moments like this.

The first advice is not to take a rash decision. Try perhaps to change environment, take a short break if you can, for a few days. Removing yourself from that environment for a while may give you a better sense of proportion on how to approach the whole situation.

From your email, I can see you are a woman of faith. This is a time to lean heavily on your faith and see this as temptation and pray to God to give you the wisdom and strength to handle this. How would Jesus Christ handle such a situation? The Bible abhors homosexuality but you are also married for better or for worse. When the dust settles you can find out for how long he has been gay and if he truly wants to change his ways. May be therapy and counseling will help and your marriage will be saved. Or what do you think readers?

5 COMMENTS

  1. What will I be doing wt an homosexual? He should continue wt is male sex partner while i find a new life for myself and children.

  2. See reasons wt him since he pleaded wt u and also pray and study d bible wt him, make him see the negative effect of homosexuality n what it is causing 2 ur once peaceful n happy home.

  3. Needing advice. My husband is a sex addict enjoys making web pages and mastuebating to gay porn. Whether he is artur gay or not he’s quite embarrassing. We have 2 grown boys and a granddaughter. He nauseates me when he is with that little girl. My question is ho needs to move on. Ive triw can I tell him I know what he is doing and he needs to move on. A marriage is a 24 hour job. I am done

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