Dear Men, is she a Wife Material Because Of Her Hymen?

There was this friend of mine that was single and was in her late twenties. You know, that age when people start wondering why you don’t have the title “Mrs.” attached to your name. Her parents, uncles and aunties, village people, siblings – everybody was on her neck, asking her when she will finally have a man in her life. The pressure to get married was so much on her that when she finally got to meet a guy willing to settle down with her, she was filled with so much relieve. However, before the guy proposed to her, he wanted to know if she was a virgin. Dude was a religious guy and needed a virgin as a wife.

My friend who can’t count the number of manhood she had tasted lied that she was a virgin. According to the guy, the presence of hymen in-between a lady’s legs determines whether she would be a good wife or not.

This actually got me thinking, what is it about virginity that makes it the major reason why a woman will be considered a wife material?

Some men actually believe that marrying a virgin will stop her from being promiscuous but how true is that? Having a virgin wife does it guarantee a happy home?

It is no longer news that the society and religion’s long standing emphasis on the chastity and abstinence of ladies from sex before marriage is one of the reasons why virginity seems to remain such a big deal to some people even now. In some homes, girls are taught that their virginity is valuable, more like a commodity and if they lose it before their wedding night, they become damaged. Little wonder, there are still guys who go around seeking virgins and like my friend, most ladies lie to maintain that idea of being pure and untouched because they want to quickly get married. They want to give whoever that is interested in them the idea that they are innocent and that they are wife materials.

There are ladies that engage in other sorts of sexual fulfillment but back off immediately a guy wants to slide in. So literally, people assume that penis-in-vagina sex is somehow a special type of sex that is different from all others.

It is assumed that unless you have had a penis in your vagina, or put your penis into a vagina, then you haven’t really had sex.

Hello, have you all heard of anal and oral sex? Sure, you have but somehow they don’t really count as sex in our society despite both having the word “Sex” in them. This is really absurd.

Aside that, most guys forget that a girl’s virginity can be lost through other ways apart from sex. It could be due to strenuous sporting activities. So a girl being a non-virgin is not particularly a confirmation that she is loose, just as virginity is not a sign of being chaste and modest.

A male friend once told me that he can’t marry a girl who isn’t a virgin and when I asked him why, his answer was, “I can’t risk having a non-virgin as a wife. Who knows how many men she must have slept with?” And I was like, “Dude, shut the fuck up. Just because a girl’s cherry got popped when she was having sex does not mean she has slept with everyone in the city. I mean, they could be girls who still have their hymen intact but you can’t count the number of guys they have had anal sex with”. The stereotype is really annoying.

Besides, guys really need to understand that there are other things to seek in a relationship that the presence of hymen.  I mean, aside her hymen, what else? It takes just a few minutes or even seconds to break a woman’s hymen? I think mine happened in a twinkle of an eye.

After the first official penis-to-vagina sex what next? You are proud and happy that you popped her cherry; something you wanted so badly. Now that you have got it, what next? Who is she exactly? Does she have the kind of personality that fits yours? Is she someone that you can confide in? Does she motivate you to become better? Is she adding any value to your life? How much does she understand you? Does she love and respect you? Virginity doesn’t keep marriages and relationships but love and tolerance.

So instead of letting virginity determine the kind of lady you want to spend the rest of your life with, look beyond her hymen. Would you rather have a lady with terrible personality and a hymen or someone great and awesome with a popped cherry? The decision is yours. But have it at the back of your mind that you could marry a virgin today and file for a divorce tomorrow.


Ann Sarafina is a freelance writer; screenwriter and a prospective filmmaker. She is a blogger too at

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