Few expressions have become as common in Nigeria as the phrase, “fear woman.” It is whispered after scandals, seductions, and unexpected twists, suggesting that women possess a mysterious ability to outwit men through charm, timing, emotion, or silence. Whether fair or not, the saying reflects a widespread belief that while men often rely on hard power like money, status, authority, women on the other hand, frequently wield a different kind of influence.
Political scientist Joseph Nye called it soft power: the ability to shape outcomes through attraction rather than coercion. Sociologist Erving Goffman similarly argued that people consciously manage impressions to influence others. Where formal power is unequal, soft power often becomes the strongest available currency.
That thought returned to me after reading a striking Facebook post by Dr. Hashim Muhammad Suleiman, a Nigerian academic. He described what he sees as the hidden risks of being a male lecturer, not only academic pressure but repeated attempts by some students to manipulate situations through flirtation, false narratives, or emotional traps. His stories ranged from a student allegedly spreading rumours after being rejected to another secretly recording him before later confronting his wife with fabricated claims. He was equally clear that any lecturer who exploits students deserves severe punishment.
His account raises a deeper question. Are these isolated acts of manipulation, or are they examples of people using the few forms of influence available to them in unequal relationships?
Psychologists and sociologists have long observed that people adapt to power structures. Feminist scholar bell hooks argued that those with less institutional power often become highly skilled at reading people and situations. Deborah Tannen’s work on gender communication similarly suggests that women are often socialized to seek influence through relationships and connection, while men are encouraged to pursue status and control. These are broad tendencies, not universal truths, but they help explain why influence may take different forms.
This is where romantic adventure enters the picture. Not romance in its sentimental sense, but the excitement of testing boundaries, attracting attention, or proving that even the seemingly unreachable can be drawn into one’s orbit. In cultures where validation is often tied to being desired, the pursuit itself can become an adventure, sometimes conscious, sometimes instinctive.
Many attractive women grow up seeing men pursue them relentlessly and may conclude that every man has a breaking point. Many men, in turn, assume every woman can be won with money. Both beliefs are stereotypes, yet both influence behaviour. The result is a subtle contest between hard power and soft power, resources on one side, attraction and perception on the other.
This is not an attempt to excuse false accusations, manipulation, or harassment. Rather, it is an effort to understand why such patterns emerge. Wherever power is uneven, those with less formal authority often seek influence through informal means such as attention, emotion, storytelling, beauty, or social pressure. That dynamic is not unique to women, but it often manifests differently because the tools available are different.
Perhaps that is why we keep hearing “fear woman.” Too often we mistake strategy for madness and instinct for malice. The real lesson is that human beings naturally seek significance, recognition, and influence. Until institutions reduce power imbalances and create transparent systems that protect everyone, hard power and soft power will continue their quiet, fascinating, and sometimes dangerous dance.
Bagudu can be reached via bagudumohammed15197@gmail.com or 07034943575.
